I’ve decided to take a new approach to my outlook on life for 2024. Following an emotionally, spiritually, and physically taxing month of December, I am starting off the new year on a less-than-optimal level. I would daresay that I am borderline burned out. My wife may argue and say that I am well-beyond borderline, but with no official diagnosis, I’ll just go with how I feel. And I currently feel run down and a shell of my usual self.
While I haven’t been one to make resolutions for the past few years, I’ve decided to make a bold and, for me, challenging one for the new year. This year, I aim to be more selfish.
As a rule, I go out of my way for others. I’m always putting other people’s wants and needs first. I go along with what others want. I am there to support and help my friends, family and coworkers to the fullest of my ability. Normally, this is all good as I have routines in place to rejuvenate myself on a regular basis. I’m typically very self-aware and recognize when my energy levels are waning so that I can be proactive with finding some space and time for activities that will recharge my batteries. This is usually sufficient to allow me to be fully present with others while simultaneously keeping myself balanced. But when you let your system drain down to nearly empty, it takes much more concerted effort to bring yourself back up.
Concerted efforts will then be made.
There is no doubt that this will be a challenging task for me. It will go against my nature, but I need to be selfish this year and focus on myself and my well-being above all else so that I can shine my Light on others. To use a well-known axiom, in order to help others, you first have to help yourself. I can’t expect to be ready and able to focus on other people if I’m not caring for myself. It’s the same reason when you board an airplane that they tell you, in the event of an emergency, to put on your oxygen mask first before helping others with their masks.
I’m starting that process by embarking on a Reset with my mentor, François Lemay. The timing could not have been more ideal for me – a four-month program starting January 14th and running through til May 26th. I’ve done several Reset programs with François over the past five or six years, each one allowing me to go deeper and find more value in it. I fully expect that this newest version of the program will be all the more impactful for me, but I need to allow myself the time and space to listen to the weekly materials, to do the exercises and self-introspection work. I need to hold myself accountable to follow through with the program.
I am going to put more emphasis on my nutrition. I was considerably more lax with my food choices throughout the month of December, and I am okay with that. I am not beating myself up over the fact that were was more junk food and fast food in my diet than there usually is. Je mangeais mes émotions, et c’est okay. I am not, however, going to be overly severe or strict with my diet. I just want to be more mindful of my choices going forward.
I will be taking more time to myself. Whether that means just doing more meditation, taking social media breaks, or quiet weekends/days at home just watching TV and reading, I need to take a step back when I feel tired. It’s time to put my focus on my energy levels and to adjust my activities accordingly. I am starting this aspect tomorrow. I’m selfishly taking most of Friday off from work. Isabelle and I are going to take a little road trip and have some fun and good food.
I will find ways of injecting a bit of magic into my life. Whether I’m feeling down or not, I need to put emphasis on things that make me happy. I need to add some Disney magic into my life. I need to laugh regularly. It’s time to start watching some of my favourite movies; it’s time to put on some of those classic segments from The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson that are on YouTube (click the link for a good example, and then go down the rabbit hole!); it’s time to go for long road trips with a good drink from Starbucks and some Strombo shows/playlists on Apple Music; it’s time to get creative.
Having taken a lot of time to be introspective and to observe myself over the past years, I’ve learned to recognize my own signs that tell me when I’m drained. One of the first signs is irritability – I’ll start to get annoyed (quickly) by people and that leads to a shorter temper. Thankfully, I work from home so I’m able to police my responses and frustrations while I’m working. (Well, except for the comments I share with a few select coworkers about how frustrated and annoyed I am…sorry!) Another sign that I’m getting too tired is with my food choices. I’m much more prone to wanting to get take-out vs cooking a meal myself, or just going straight to junk food to make me feel better. Laziness = tired.
I’m not writing this blog post as a means of getting sympathy or pity from anyone. Rather, I wanted to put this out there publicly so that any of my friends or family who may read this understand why I may tell you “No” if you ask me to do something or invite me somewhere; why I may not be as responsive to your social media posts; why I may not be posting as much on my own social media. I am also not writing this blog post because I don’t want you reaching out to me if you’re needing an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. Please do not hesitate. I will always be available to my friends and family, but I may not be able to offer you as much attention as I may have done in the past.
This year will be a year of learning to speak my truth more regularly, of saying no, and of caring for myself first and foremost. I am already beginning to see my mood, my irritability-level and my energy levels improving, but I don’t want to push myself too far, too fast. It’s easy to think – “I’m feeling better now, back to normal!” – and just go about living my life as though nothing had happened. But I would be doing a huge disservice to myself in doing so. My batteries will deplete quickly right now because I have not yet built up my capacity. I’m taking it one minute at a time, one day at a time.
Are you able to take time to yourself when needed? How do you know when you’ve reached your point of needing to take a step back? What are the signs and symptoms that let you see that you’re getting tired and drained? Do you have a self-care routine that works for you?
Musings of A Boxhead 